Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize