i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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