she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
