i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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