so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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