I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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