Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
