im having a threesome with these popsicles
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
