You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
