I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
