Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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