I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
