I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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