is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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