I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
