Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
