would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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