I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
