i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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