I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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