that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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