4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize