dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
