Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
