You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
