We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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