She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
