if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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