We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
