If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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