you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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