When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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