Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize