Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
