Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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