Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
