I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
