We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
