I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
