If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
