it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
