my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
