Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And then he peed in my hair
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