I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
