I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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