If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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