Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
