I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
this hospital has no fireball
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
