hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
