wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
