sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
