god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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