Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
worst night to have a conscience
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
