I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
