I think i peed on brittanys purse
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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