i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
