Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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