I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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