Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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