She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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