I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
