If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
