Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
