carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
