Buhtt sex?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
