Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
