Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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